My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
