All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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