just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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