i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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