It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
