he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
