You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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