some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
