i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
