You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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