I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
