mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
