started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
