i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
