apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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