Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
