conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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