you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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