Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my shit smells like andre
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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