she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
That accounts for only three of the penises
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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