Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
