I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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