Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
