im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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