i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
