so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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