he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm having to shit out rocks
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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