why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
