Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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