I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
