Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Boobs speak an international language.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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