i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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