You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
