Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
