I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
