Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
