Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
