That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
