Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
