I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
