Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
