Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
