we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you win again, gameday.
I want her autograph on my taint
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
