I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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