i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
