update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize