There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
