i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
