nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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