I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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