Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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