Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
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I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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