I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
