I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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