I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
