I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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