he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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