hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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