Porn is love you can see.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
