Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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