I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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