I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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