i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
