I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
