Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
