it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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