He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
did i walk over a car last night?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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