I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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