Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
