I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
