did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
