I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
