i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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