you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
