He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
