I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
