I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
