I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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