So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
